Daylight Robbery

For Bernard

Did you ever hear in Lancashire of Ashton-Under-Lyne,
When the Council implemented Single Double Summer Time?
The clocks went back like spring-heeled Jack as the Mayor began to speak,
By the time he'd finished speaking it was the middle of last week.

Down our way, I'm sad to say, the sun has never shone,
And the lamp outside our front door is permanently on;
It's freezing hard inside our yard all the seasons of the year,
So if there's any daylight to be saved we'd like to have some here.

Farmer Brown went to milk his cows in the middle of the night,
He milked them all twice over then he got an awful fright;
He gave a pull on his prize bull - the 'milk' flowed in a stream,
He sold it to the Co-op as a pint of double cream.

Old Mister Owen was well known to be a careful man,
He kept his Daylight Savings in a conny-onny can;
By oversight one fateful night he poured it on some tarts,
Now he lights up all of Manchester every time he farts.

The lads all swore they'd stand no more to play football in pitch black,
So they crossed the moors one evening to bring some sunshine back,
When the sun had set they used the net to fetch it to our park,
Now the sun it shines in Ashton while Yorkshire's in the dark.

They're all big fools that make the rules and you can only laugh,
When the man who winds the town hall clock is on time and a half;
One ha'pence of common sense would soon stop all their craft -
'Cos if you live by Double Summer Time you'll soon go double daft.