"I'm Bill Smith and I'd like to be your Representative. Even though I now live in a very upscale neighborhood in Alexandria, my roots and heart are right here in the 13th District. I remember those who I grew up with and I've taken to heart the values I learned: greed, lust, vanity, and all. And I wouldn't think of raising taxes, because me and my neighbors have been taxed enough and now it's your turn. District 13 has gorgeous scenery, clean air, and sparkling clean streams -- and I've arranged for developers to give you the best possible price for your property. You'll be proud to see the condos and mega-mansions rising where your miserable hovels once were.

Bill Smith -- Looking Out For Number One!"