UNEASY RIDER
As sung by The Charlie Daniels Band on “Honey in the Rock” (1973)

I was takin' a trip out to LA,
Toolin' along in my Chev'olet,
Tokin' on a number, an' diggin' on the radio.
Just as I crossed the Mississippi line,
I heard that highway start to whine,
An' I knew that left rear tire was about to go.

Well, the spare was flat, an' I got uptight,
'Cause there wa'n't a fillin' station in sight,
So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim.
I went as far as I could, an' when I stopped the car,
It was right in front o' this little bar,
A kind of a redneck-lookin' joint, called the “Dewdrop Inn.”

Well, I stuffed my hair up under my hat
An' told the bartender that I had a flat,
An' would he be kind enough to give me change for a one?
Well there was one thing I was sure proud to see:
There wa'n't a soul in the place 'cep' for him an' me,
An' he just looked disgusted an' pointed toward the telephone.

I called up a station down the road a ways,
An' he said he wa'n't very busy today,
An' he could have somebody there in just about ten minutes or so.
He said, “Now you just stay right where you're at.”
An' I didn't bother to tell the derned fool that
I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go.

I just ordered up a beer an' set down at the bar,
When some guy walked in an' said, “Who owns this car,
With the peace sign, an' the mag-wheels, an' four-on-the-floor?”
Well, he looked at me an' I damn near died,
An' I decided that I'd just wait outside,
So I laid a dollar on the bar an' headed for the door.

Just when I thought I'd get out o' there with my skin,
These five big dudes come strollin' in,
With this one old drunk chick an' some fella with green teeth.
An' I was almost to the door when the biggest one
Said, “You tip your hat to this lady, son!”
An' when I did, all that hair fell out from underneath.

Now the last thing I wanted was to get in a fight
In Jackson, Mississippi on a Saturday night,
'Specially when there was three o' them an' only one o' me.
But they all started laughin', an' I felt kind o' sick,
An' I knew I better think o' somethin' pretty quick,
So I just reached out an' kicked old green-teeth right in the knee.

Now he let out a yell that'd curl your hair,
But before he could move, I grabbed me a chair
An' said, “Watch him, folk, 'cause he's a thoroughly dangerous man.
Well, you may not know it, but this man's a spy.
He's a undercover agent for the FBI,
An' he's been sent out here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan.”

He was still bent over, holdin' onto his knee,
But ever'body else was lookin' an' listenin' to me,
An' I laid it on thicker an' heavier as I went.
I said, “Would you believe this man has gone as far
As tearin' Wallace stickers off the bumpers o' cars,
An' he voted for George McGovern for president?”

“Well, he's a friend o' them long-haired, hippy-type, pinko fags.
I betcha he's even got a commie flag
Tacked up on the wall inside o' his garage.
He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya, guys.
He may look dumb, but that's just a disguise.
He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage.”

They all started lookin' real suspicious at him,
An' he jumped up an' said, “Now just wait a minute, Jim.
You know he's lyin'; I've been livin' here all o' my life.
I'm a faithful follower o' Brother John Birch,
An' I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church,
An' I ain't even got a garage; you can call home an' ask my wife.”

Then he started sayin' somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed,
But I didn't wait around to hear the rest.
I was too busy movin' an' hopin' I didn't run out o' luck.
An' when I hit the ground, I was makin' tracks,
An' they were just takin' my car down off the jacks,
So I threw the men a twenty, an' jumped in an' fired that mother up.

Mario Andretti would 'a' sure been proud,
O' the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd
Comin' out the door an' headed toward me in a trot.
An' I guess I should o' gone ahead an' run,
But somehow I just couldn't resist the fun
O' chasin' them all just once around the parkin' lot.

Well, they headed for their car, but I hit the gas
An' spun around an' headed 'em off at the pass.
I was slingin' gravel an' puttin' a ton o' dust in the air.
Ha-ha! I had 'em all out there, steppin' an' fetchin'
Like their heads were on fire an' their asses was catchin',
But I figured I better go ahead an' split before the cops got there.

Well, when I hit the road, I was really wheelin',
Had gravel flyin' an' rubber squealin',
An' I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas.
Well, I think I'm gonna re-route my trip.
I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped
If I went to LA via Omaha.