Substitute meat?
Hm. I prefer the true stuff ...

Speaking about the true stuff:

To get into the right mood for Portaferry, tonight I will get me a good helping of something I brought back from there after Loughstock Fourscore:
some Feckin Irish Whiskey ...

SussexCarole:

I wish you come to Portaferry
Only for nights in Fiddler's Green
You could swim over the deepest ocean,
For our love to find
Though the sea is wide you still could cross over
Or borrow easyjet's wings to fly
I wish you could meet a handsome MudGuard
at Portaferry, to love and die

;-)