The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #95666 Message #1888885
Posted By: JennyO
20-Nov-06 - 08:58 AM
Thread Name: Alaska Mike needs good thoughts
Subject: RE: Alaska Mike needs good thoughts
Mike, I was telling my John (jack halyard), who is a singer, songwriter and occasional reciter of poems and tall stories, the sad story of what happened to you, and he immediately thought of one of the Aussie poems he is fond of reciting, and suggested I should post it here. And you thought you had problems!!!.....
The Inside Story
I was reading in a paper that was wrapped around the cheese
How the miracles of med'cine have become realities;
How women wanting babies can obtain them by the dozen
From the local doctor's cold-room... all conveniently frozen.
And I must confess the notion left me feeling rather cold,
For I much preferred the method that we used in days of old.
But the skillful city surgeon and his art must surely pale
When you see the stockmen operate out in the post and rail;
Stitching up dog-ravaged wethers, and a mulga stick for breaks,
While the kids still have their ear lopped to survive the bite of snakes;
Shot-gun dentists, cures with castor oil, I guess I've seen the lot,
And the drastic use of stock-knives to control the barcoo rot.
I pointed out this very fact last christmas on the phone
To a mate of mine, Ken Cooper, who was working down near Scone;
And he told me of an accident... the solemn truth, he swore
(In the land of cornstalk promises, that matters any more?
But Ken lived in Queensland, and that's good enough for me,
So I reckon he's the barnard of the outback surgery).
Ken was working on a fence-line with a bloke called Slogger Brown;
He was running out the wire while his mate was cutting down.
A mob of sheep stood waiting for the foliage to land... when a crooked
Branch jumped back, and knocked the chain-saw from his hand!
Oh, god! it was a shocking sight to turn your limbs to jelly...
The whirring blade came down across the bushman's hairy belly!
Ken told me all the details, but my tears were soon in flood
For the ear-piece of the telephone was slowly oozing blood...
But, before he grabbed the throttle, and could get the thing controlled,
His mate... his sole companion... was completely disembowelled;
And it wasn't just a matter of where this or that part fits...
His whole internal mechanism was chopped in little bits!
My friend had been a butcher when he worked the Queensland scene;
A lot of 'reverse surgery'... if you know what I mean
He knew it would be seconds before Slogger breathed his last
So he had to do some surgery, and do it bloody fast!
He grabbed a ewe around the throat and slit its nether hide...
He hauled the streaming entrails out, and pushed them all inside.
Though he lacked finesse and finish, he was long on common sense,
For he drew the gash together with some staples from the fence;
And joining veins and sinews is quite simple when you know how
A bit of gum-tree gumption... and a twitch from Cobb & Co
What's it matter in a stomach... upside down or front to back?
Guts are guts... they gain no glamour from the neatness of the pack.
Anyhow he did some plumbing, so the inlet soon aligned;
The outlet quickly took its place with stitches unrefined.
He used a roll of tie-wire, but he must have hit the mark,
'Cos old Slogger picked a crow-bar up and went to strip the bark;
So Ken retrieved the chain-saw, and wiped the blood away;
And they stood another twenty posts before the close of day.
Well, for weeks I've sat and wondered if his tale was really true
I've heard a lot of stories of what lonely bushmen do
So I rang Ken up the other day, and I mention on the side
"I suppose you miss old Slogger... I presume the poor cow died."
"Oh, you'll never kill old Slogger," Ken said. "he's as tough as teak...
"He's out fencing on Urella... and he had a lamb last week!"
Charlee Marshall