I'd like a nice cup of tea with two sugars please. I've brought some lemon drizzle cake and a few words about my Dad to share.
My Dad was never comfortable telling us about the family history, his childhood or anything. But he would open up to friends I brought home over the years and thats how I found out about his memories of being brought up in Glasgow and holidays with family in Ireland.
I have no idea why he didn't share these things with me without a go-between. I'm not mad about it, just curious.

This time last year my Dad said his last words to me and my sisters.(This took place in intensive care)
He said " I've had enough of all this pain and I want to die. No more nurses I just want you. I love you all and I'm sorry to let you down, remember to keep smiling"

We assured him that it was ok and we were not let down. We told him how much we loved him.
The nurses came in and took Dad off the medication that was keeping his blood pressure up and put him on more pain relief. Dad slept.
About 48 hours later we were all round his bed, when the machines that measured the life in him began to fall. The oxygen in his blood his heart rate and pressure. It was as if he was slowly switching off.
We spoke quietly to him telling him again we loved him and that everthing would be fine. I held his hand which was feeling very cold. I tried to warm him and hugged and kissed him. The machines stopped doing anything and Dad crossed over.
I was left feeling glad that all his pain had gone, glad that he would be reunited with Mum, but I also felt that my heart was broken. I loved my Dad so much and I still do.

A couple of months later my daughter had an unusual dream. She was talking to my Dad, who was telling her that he was with my Mum and they were sorting out the old house so that we could all be together again and to tell me not to worry as there would be a room there for me. My daughter said he looked much younger and very well and happy.

Yes, it might be just a dream, but it has given me so much comfort.
Forgive me for this indulgance at my first sitting at this welcoming table, I'm sure you'll understand.

More lemon drizzle anyone?

Pat xxxx