Tonguing is something to which there is no simple answer.

Irish style flute/whistle playing uses very little tonguing but instead make use of grace notes and decoration to give the stress where you might otherwise use your tongue.

Overall the use of tonguing and grace notes is part of developing your own style. Having played a lot of classical music on the recorder, I tend to tongue quite a lot, but through going to folk music classes at the Sage in Gateshead, have been learning to use gracing more.

As a general rule it is not a good idea to tongue every note, but to vary what you do to give interest. Joey Oliver who plays whistle in 422 made a very good point that you need to know, and be able to use both tonguing and gracing so you can make informed use of both to best effect.

It is worth listening to both traditional flute & whistle music and bagpipe music. Gracing is an essential part of piping technique as pipers cannot tongue for obvious reasons. I find Northumbrian pipes particularly interesting in this respect as the stopped end of the chanter and the closed fingering system makes staccato playing possible. Staccato is probably the wrong word as it implies a shortening of the note (which is sometimes used to good effect) but the Northumbrian piper can detach notes from one another and it is this that plays an important role in the Northumbrian pipers' style compared with other traditional pipes in the British Isles.

Sorry if this has not given much direct suggestions but I really do think there is no simple answer to the issue of tonguing.