You callin' me a mole hole, boy? Well, just for your information I have VOLE holes in my yard, not your common old MOLE holes.

Oh, wait. Sorry. You said "mohel" -- the guy who only works for tips as long as he can get a cut of your action. No, I used an epee with a string-wrapped French grip and a steel blade. Blunt tip, of course; these modern rules take all the fun out of it. "Wear a mask, be sure your jacket and plastron will withstand a hit of blah-blah Newtons, use blunt tips covered with a rubber or plastic..."

Wimps, every one of 'em. Why, back in the days when I started fencing you used a sharpened blade and sharp point, and by God you KNEW when you make a touch! And none of this "protective clothing" either because you fenced in your street clothes! And we were civil, too! We saluted our opponents and shook hands after it was over. Not like today, by crackey! A man wasn't a man then until he'd been in a few...what's that, nurse? Time for my meds? Okay...