No problem, Blue Jay, most welcome as thread drift; like driftwood, some of it is well worth picking up and admiring for it's truth and beauty. Like Dave, Rog has a pager on and within reach 24/7, as well as not being too far from a phone of some kind. We do know what it is liek and are both tired of. We really rely on the Caller ID to help out with the screening and I totally agree with you.

Thank you, Peter, here 'tis, then, published September 28, 1997, (I was a couple hundred off on my word count guesstimate):

Balancing the No-Boundary Effect

This August, I held a "mini-retreat" in my home. I didn't answer the telephone, listen to the radio, watch television, read the newspaper or talk to anyone except my husband and daughter. Spent several days in stilling my mind, willing it to just stop, reminding myself I did not have to be doing something every minute of the day. My mind kept thinking of things that could be done, but weren't necessary, at that moment.

While there were several lessons to be learned, I think the most valuable was that it was okay for me to set boundaries: for my spouse and children; for my siblings and parents; for my friends and associates.

Contemplating this freeing-up, this sense of liberation from self-imposed responsibility, I realised most people need to reset their boundaries. Society as a whole needs to declare its limits. There is a difference between open communication and a constant volcanic eruption of verbal ash via the media du jour.

When we set boundaries, by accepting no calls at certain times; by not letting our children watch R-rated shows; by saying no to another committee; or whatever - we have enabled ourselves to live more stress-free. We've said to the world, "We consider ourselves to be important; we mean to care for ourselves first and foremost, for if we do not, how then can we care for others?'" This can also give others the confidence of self-reliance; a shouldering of responsibility that may have weighed heavily on our heart and minds.

Many of the baby-boom generation were raised to be polite and accommodating, giving everyone the "benefit of the doubt." Because of this, a lot of us feel guilty saying no. Guilt is a big motivating factor. If we don't do this one little thing. take this one phone call, run this one errand, who knows what might happen; besides which, we'll feel guilty!

Setting boundaries requires self-discipline. I wanted to call my friends, my family, I wanted to know what was going on in the world. It always seems easier to continue with the present behaviour than to change. Our national consciousness would benefit from self-discipline on the part of everyone.

Imagine if we didn't know the day-to-day details of our politicians, our fellow citizens and their intimate problems. Imagine if we shared our problems in a thoughtful way only with those who could really offer us help and vice versa? Imagine if parents quit expecting the government to police the world for their children, acknowledging them as their responsibility, after all. Imagine those parents practising self-discipline enough to leave the television off; spending time with their children reading, talking, discussing the universe; or even going to a ball game together.

We need boundaries in journalism. More has been said about this since the death of Princess Diana than ever before, but has the public changed? Aren't the tabloids and others back to their usual because we don't set boundaries and tell them enough is enough?

About a week before my retreat, I wrote a note to each of my family members, telling them why they would hear from me. They were excited for me and very supportive. We all learned a little more about self-discipline and boundaries. We also learned we do not need to know every day detail of each other's lives.

I am not advocating a return to silence, when crimes of domestic violence or government wrongdoing were ignored or covered up. I am suggesting we need a balance. If each day, we each say no to a phone ringing, a favour asked, a sensational headline, a child's plea for more TV or a later bedtime; if we stop ourselves from spending one more hour as sofa spuds, we might find the world balancing out.

People may return to some semblance of civility, no longer feeding on the familiarity which can breed contempt for one another. The same familiarity which has contributed to our being such a cynical nation. Setting boundaries allows us each some breathing room, private space, time to notice a rainbow or smell the brush of air on rainswept pine.

When we don't feel so ratcheted up by the constant barrage of the day's news, work problems and home life, declaring ourselves off-limits at times, we find reduced stress and possibly more pleasant living and working environments; which, like the ripple effect, can spread across the nation and world to balance out the no-boundary effect.

© 1997 OoBraughLoo Press