The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #13952   Message #191213
Posted By: AndyG
07-Mar-00 - 12:53 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Req: Stanley Holloway monologues required
Subject: Lyr Add: BRAHN BOOTS (R. P. Weston & Bert Lee)
his is as the song appears in my fourth impression (1981) of
The Stanley Holloway Monologues

(Complete with spelling mistakes, as well as I can copy it.)
NB the many inconsistencies in the writing of the cockney accent which are part of the version I've got.

Also note the is not a true monologue but is partly sung as well as spoken.

Brahn Boots,br. by R.P.Weston and Bert Lee (1940)

Our Aunt Hannah's passed away,
We'd her funeral today,
And it was a posh affair -
Had to have two p'licemen there!

The 'earse was luv'ly all plate glass,
And wot a corfin! oak and brass!
We'd fah-sands weepin', flahers gaore,
But Jim, our cousin - what d'yer fink 'e wore?

Why Brahn boots! I ask yer - brahn boots!
Fancy comin' to a funeral in brahn boots!
I will admit 'e 'ad a nice black tie,
Black finger nails and a nice black eye;

But yer can't see people orf when they die in brahn boots!
And Aunt 'ad been so very good to 'im,
Done all that any muvver could fer 'im,
And Jim, her son, to show his clars

Rolls up to make it all a farce
In brahn boots - I ask yer - brahn boots!
While all the rest
Wore decent black and mourning suits.

I'll own he didn'y seem so gay,
In fact he cried best part the way,
But straight, he reg'lar spoilt our day
Wiv 'is brahn boots.

In the graveyard we left Jim,
None of us satd much to him,
Yus we all give 'im the bird,
Then by accident we 'eard

'E'd given 'is black boots to Jim Small,
A bloke wot 'ad no boots at all,
So p'raps Aunt Hannah doesn't mind
She did like people who was good and kind.

But brahn boots! I ask yer - brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral in brahn boots!
And we could hear the neighbours all remark
`Wot, 'im chief mourner? Wot a bloomin' lark!

`Why 'e looks more like a Bookmaker's clerk - in brahn boots!'
That's why we 'ad to be so rude to 'im,
That's why we never said `Ow do!' to 'im,
We didn't know - he didn't say.

He'd give 'is other boots away.
But brahn boots! I ask yer - brahn boots!
While all the rest
Wore decent black and mourning suits!

But some day up at Heaven's gate
Poor Jim, all nerves will stand and wait
Till an angel whispers `Come in mate,
Where's yer brahn boots?'