A little parable here: From the time when my daughter was very young I encouraged her and supported her in thinking for herself, and to recognize and deal with the consequences. One of my brothers, with a daughter just six months older than mine, cautioned me that my daughter was too self confident and was going to get hurt.

I responded by saying that life would deal her enough blows that she would discover quickly enough that there were limits to what she could do. In the meantime I wanted her to go into life with her head held high and eager.

My daughter, now 44 years old, grew up to be a caring, capable, can-do person with a family that she nurtures very much the way I did her.

And when she and her family suffer loss, she cries.

Finally, when it comes to grief, no one can tell anyone else how to do it, how much to feel and how to show it.