Dear Ed,

As I'd told you earlier, I can't leave the UK until you've reported to the thread that you've recieved and opened The Big Box and listened to the contents of the "pre-present" that you've been passed. This means I've had to spend Christmas in the UK, whereas I'd planned to be back to the Pole for the Holidays at Elf Central enjoying a break before reassignment. I've stayed in far worse places and drank worse stuff than the Harvey's Sussex Bitter at Murray's, but I'd planned to be long gone by now.

I had also told of Being able to sit in with the house band at Murray's even after my bandmates had left, and how young Nottalpha Sprite was getting a bit clingy and possessive about wanting me to settle down locally. Well, that all came to a head when I was reluctantly dragged over to an all too traditional family Christmas dinner at her parents residence. If being a foreigner, travelling man and sometime musician was not bad enough, being an elf turned him completely hostile and absolutely livid with rage. After repeated barely audible racist under-the-breath mutterings about "not wanting any 'Spelves' raised in the family" and how "Elfish should leave the building and return to sender", I took it as a much needed opportunity to storm out in the middle of the meal (an extra large Cornish Hen that amply served five) and end things right there before fisticuffs broke out. Surrey bout, that!

Unfortunately, word has gotten through to me by way of Nottalpha's sister Nearleah that she has only to be given the word and she'd be packed in an hour and ready to run away with me. "Miss Surrey" may love company, but I don't think I do any longer. I'm also tenatively booked for a gig for New Year's Eve at Murray's.

I hope you have The Merriest Season Ever and can acknowledge reciept of your cornucopeia of goodies as soon as possible so I can sneak out of here and get back home in "one piece on earth".

Your troubled Scout-Elf,
Elfish Pressently
(relocated, but still here)