Great news!!! Here is what you need to know katmyluv......or not.

The pole we refer to here is the "Farting Post" and this particular post was used in the first OFFICIAL Crepitation Contest between Lord Windesmere of Whopping Foghole, England, and Paul Boomer of Australia.

If you're unfamiliar with these contests, each contestant is scored by the judges on his repetoire of sounds and effects of his nether blasts. Here is some of the lingo you need to know:

Bloop - Sudden and rather dangerous blast (now dropped from open competitions)
Crepitation - The academic word for windbreaking.
Farting-Post - A 4 feet high wooden post, approximately 9 inches in diameter.
Fenêtre de Brise (Zephyr Window) - Aperture in the seat of competitor's trunks
Flutterblast - Self descriptive. (10 points)
Followup Phlooper - see Phlooper. (15 points)
Fundus-Break - Long, deep throated blast. (30 points)
Phloop - Short and rather dangerous blast. (2 points)
Phlooper - Long blast (10 points)
Phreep - Short and fairly high-pitched. (1 point)
Phuzzyphart - Self descriptive. (5 points)
Plotcher - Near accident. (deduct 15 points)
Sizzler - Self descriptive. (5 points)
Thundersprecht-The most difficult of farts, very risky. Can result in a Plotch (30 points)
Trillblow - Long blast of variable pitch. (10 points)
Triple Flutterblast - Self descriptive. (25 points)
Zusaarspiegel - The woodwind horn used to start the contest. Similar to a Mukkinese Battlehorn.

If you'd like to catch the excitement and action of that historic contest, you can hear most of it in two parts:
PART ONE
PART TWO

Although not widely known, Chanteyranger is a student of this artform so the chance to have a pegleg made from that historic post......well, I'm sure just the thought (if not the smell) will bring tears to Peter's eyes. Oh well...............

Spaw