The Wild Yankee Boy
(Tune: The Auld Orange Flute)In the town of Chicago, in far Illinois
I had many a ruction as a wild Yankee boy
I've been collared and whalopped, and beat black and blue
But I bounced back from it all 'til I met Super Glue.
I had work in a bar there, amending decor
With wallpaper trim and some rugs on the floor
And one of the many tasks I had to do
Was to paste colored balls on the walls with that glue
Toora-oorali-oorali-oorali-o
On a step stool I clambered, with no thought of fear
With half of a sandwich and a full mug of beer
But I'd drunk it too quickly, and I soon lost my feet
And I fell on my keister and rolled into the street
I had glue in my hair, sir, and glue in my eye
The pain was enormous, and I started to cry
I had glue on my fingers, and glue in my ear
But I'd managed to not spill a drop of that beer!I called on a passing-by gal of the night
With nail-polish remover, she soon put me right!
Though I smelled like a polecat, from arsehole to ear
I delightedly said she could finish my beer!
I gave her the glass though it still was full up,
I through in the mug, though it wasn't my cup
And the look that she gave me it warmed me quite through!
ANd I soon forgot all about damned Super Glue.Next morning at Kresge's best makeup array
I looked over all that they had on display
For nailpolish remover, a pint of the best
For the jolly young walker who'd cured my distress.
But when I went seeking, she could not be found
Though I searched in the alleys and sidewalks around
When another professional told me quite clear,
She'd been thrown in the slammer, for drinking my beer!Although she'd protested the brew was a gift
The local patrolman, he gave it short shrift
He thought it was tough and it made him a man,
To lock sultry Sukie up down in the can.
I'm off back to Kresge's for more Super Glue
And folks let me tell ye, what I aim to do!
I'll sneak up on that bastard and have me some fun
When his big ugly fingers get stuck to his gun!I'll put glue in his pants in strategic locations
I'll put glue in his squad car and watch his gyrations
This dick will soon learn better ways to employ
When he comes head to head with a wild Yankee Boy.
Then it's down to the tank at the headquarters place
To rescue sweet Sukey from her awful disgrace
And turn her all honest, and marry her too,
With a bond that is stronger than damn Super GlueNow fellas take warning, a lesson for you,
And don't mix your drinking with no Super Glue
And always remember this moral quite clear,
You can go for free lunch,
But stay away from free beer!Toora loooo, Toora leee
Here's a pox on the coppers from Sukie and me!