Whoever you are, anonymous member, be you real or made up, I send you my kindest thoughts and hope that everything gets better for you. If this is a real situation, I am not qualified to offer any help excepting my love and sympathy for your situation, there have been a lot of wise words said here already and it is ultimately you who knows what is best for you. If this is a made up scenario I offer you my love and compassion for needing to do this. There are a lot of Lovely caring and beautiful people on this site and I am sure like me they send you the wish for peace and calm that you so obviously deserve.
With love,
Lucy