The overwhelming concensus of opinion here seems to be that the spouse shoulders all responsibility for the predicament Anonymous finds herself in. The other side of the story will probably never be revealed on this forum, which is a strange place indeed to unburden oneself and invite all and sundry to give advice. Concern for the child is paramount in a situation such as this and his welfare should take priority, with professional help. However well meaning the advice given here by sincere, concearned posters or friends, it can cause more harm than good if the advice taken is even a fraction off.
The spouse must also be confused and hurting and I wish them all good luck on the hard road ahead.