Heh, I know that over six years have passed since the last post, but I'll post the lyrics anyway in case they could be of use to anyone.

Mason Williams's version (as heard on 'Ear Show') goes like this:

Jonathan W. Astor was a master dancing man.
He danced the day that he was born, his parents thought him grand.
The tango and the samba he did with great elan
But most he liked to dance the waltz until the break of dawn.

[Jonathan]
I like the waltz, it has its faults
For there are some dances more fancy.
I like the waltz simply becaultz
It makes me feel so dancy.

One day he got an invitation to a ballroom dance
And he decided to accept, for he might get a chance
To dance with lovely ladies with perfume in their hair
Or even fat and ugly ones, he really didn't care.

But at the ball the same old story made his evening grim:
He was a perfectionist and none would dance with him.
So he thought he'd just go home and write an anguished poem
But on his way out he saw a girl dancing all alone.*

[Girl]
I like the waltz, it has its faults
It's not much fun unless danced by two.
I wish I knew somebody who
Would waltz with me; I'm so blue Danube.

She was waltzing by herself there in a little nook.
He quietly walked to where she was to get a better look.
She was a little different from either you or me
For she did not have two good legs; she had one, two, three.

[Girl]
I like the waltz, I have my faults
I have three legs, but I'm in good health.
I like the waltz mostly becaultz
I have to dance all by myself.

First the right foot, then the middle foot**
Then the left foot, then I repeat.
I make no mistakes, I've got what it takes
One, two, three feet for waltzing is neat.

Jonathan W. Astor asked her, Would you like to dance?
To which she answered, Yes.
So they began to waltz in a most peculiar way.
She had three legs, he had two, and they were heard to say:

We like the waltz, we have our faults
But we are happy for the first time.
Though we are different, we took a chance
And found true love in an offbeat romance.

-
The version sung by the Smothers Brothers on the album 'Mom Always Liked You Best' makes the following changes:

*The last two lines of the verse are:
So he thought he'd just go home and turn his radio on
But in the hall he found a girl waltzing all alone.

**The line goes: 'First the right foot, then the right foot/ Then the left foot, and then...'

The last two verses in this version go like this:

'Jonathan W. Astor asked her if she'd like to dance.
And she answered, Yessir.
And they began to waltz in a most peculiar way.
She had three legs, he had two, and those who saw did say:

They like the waltz, they have their faults
But who's to blame, we can't decide.
Maybe it's him, maybe it's her
But it is them, that's for darn sure.'

After this they ended with a dialogue exchange:

Dick: Hey lady! Anybody tell you you dance like you have two left feet?
Tom: I have two right feet.