This thread ought not to miss this rather unexpurgated version:



Once there was a waitress at the Prince George Hotel
Whose mistress was a lady and whose master was a swell
They knew she was a simple girl just lately from the farm
So they did their very best just to keep her from all harm

Singing bell-bottom trousers, coats of navy blue
Let him climb the rigging like his daddy used to do

The forty-second Fusiliers came marching into town
And with them came a company of rapists of renown
They busted every maidenhead that fell beneath their spell
But they never made the waitress from the Prince George Hotel

And then there came a company of Prince of Wales Hussars
They piled into the whorehouses and packed into the bars
Many a maid and mistress, even wife before them fell
But they never made the waitress from the Prince George Hotel

Then there came a sailor, and ordinary bloke
A-bulging at the trousers with a heart of solid oak
At sea without a woman for seven years or more
You didn't need to ask just what he was looking for

He asked her for a candle just to light his way to bed
He asked her for a pillow just to rest his weary head
And speaking very gently as if he meant no harm
He asked her for to come to bed just so's to keep him warm

She pulled aside the blanket and for a moment there did lie
He was on her! he was in her! in the twinkling of an eye
He was out again! and in again! and ploughing up a storm
And all the waitress said was 'I hope you're keeping warm!'

Early the next morning the sailor he awoke
Saying 'Here's a two-pound note my dear for the damage I have wrote
Now if you have a daughter, bounce her on your knee
And if you have a son, send the bastard off to sea!'

Now there she sits upon the dock, a baby on her knee
A-waiting for the Navy ships a-coming home from sea
Waiting for the jolly tars in Navy uniform
And all she wants to do, me boys, is keep the Navy warm!