Here's some old ones that for some reason I was reminded of by the above jokes.

News: an elephant was reported doing a ton on the M6 Midland Expressway today. Motorists are advised to approach with caution and treat it as a roundabout until it can be cleared up.

Meanwhile, on the M1 a truckload of strawberries collided with a tanker full of fresh cream. A police spokesman on the spot said: "Delicious!"

More traffic news: a truckload of wigs crashed on the M4 earlier in mysterious circumstances today. Police are combing the area for clues.

And a thief stole the toilets from the Bedford police station last night. Police say they have nothing to go on.

Finally, a large hole appeared in London's Oxford Street today. Police are looking into it.

And I regret to say there's more where they came from! :-D

Now, I'll get me coat before someone gets it for me.