Supposedly not a joke but something which actually happened. No offence to Mudcatters on the Western edge of the pond intended.

The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation that took place in Oct 1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and some British authority. The transcript was released by the MoD.

Brits:   Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid collision.

Brits: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Brits: Negative. I say again, YOU will have to divert your course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Brits: We are a lighthouse, F*** off.

Eddie