Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood by Country & Western Musicians
12 Tone Scale - The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck with A 440 - The highway that runs around Nashville Aeolian Mode - How you like Mama's cherry pie Altos - Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes" Arpeggio - "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?" Bach Chorale - The place behind the barn where you keep the horses Bass - The things you run around in softball Bassoon - Typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when Big Band - When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players Bossa Nova - The car your foreman drives Cadenza - That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes Cello - The proper way to answer the phone Clarinet - Name for your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo Clef - What you try never to fall off of Bass Clef - Where you wind up if you do fall off Conductor - The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham Cut Time - Parole Cymbal - What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with Diminished Fifth - An empty bottle of Jack Daniels First Inversion - Grandpa's battle group at Normandy French Horn - Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 a.m. Major Scale - What you say after chasing wild game up a mountain: "Damn! That was a major scale!" Melodic Minor - Loretta Lynn's singing dad Minor Third - Your approximate age and grade at the completion of formal schooling Order of Sharps - What a wimp gets at the bar Passing Tone - Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues Perfect Fifth - A full bottle of Jack Daniels Perfect Pitch - The smooth coating on a freshly paved road Pianissimo - "Refill this beer bottle" Portamento - A foreign country you've always wanted to see Quarter Tone - What most standard pickups can haul Relative Major - An uncle in the Marine Corps Relative Minor - A girlfriend Repeat - What you do until they just expel you Ritard - There's one in every family Sonata - What you get from a bad cold or hay fever Staccato How you did all the ceilings in your mobile home Tempo - Good choice for a used car Time Signature - What you need from your boss if you forget to clock in Transpositions - Men who wear dresses Treble - Women ain't nothin' but Tuba - A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!" Whole Note - What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year