Cor! It's been bloody awful! I fink we should declare war on someone over this. Loik maybe the USA on account of the global warmin' wot is probably responsible for all this unusual wind. Me Eddie says it's a harbinger of fings to come, that's wot 'e says. 'E always says that. This time 'e may be right!

"It's now lying in his garden with its legs in the air."

Sounds exactly loik wot 'appened wiv Mrs Daltry next door. The wind picked 'er up, poor dear, and frew 'er clean over the fence and she landed on 'er back in me garden and jinxed me wisteria! Bloody 'ell!