I am out of the marital relationship, Robyn. I'm firm and clear about that choice. But we will always be in relationship as parents, and will have to find a way to forge a relationship that works for our son.

The road out of the marriage is clear and well lit. With respect to our son, however, there is no road apparent right now. Instead, there is a murky and fog-shrouded sea called 'The the Best Interests of Our Son.' I have a chart, but there isn't much on it. I know it is not in our son's best interests for his Dad and I to stay together. I know it is not in his best interest to be riding in the car with his Dad when Dad is 'under-the-influence.' I know I want our son to have as much of his Dad in his day-to-day life as is 'in his best interests.' But those are the only issues that are absolutely clear. I am consulting with experts, and at my request we are going to start mediation, so there will be some help to navigate these waters. I have full custody. Our son can call his Dad any time he wants. Right now I am allowing visitation two days a week. I hope the time comes when I can comfortably consent to open and flexible visitation, but much will depend on choices his Dad makes about dealing with substance abuse and anger issues.

I know his Dad loves him as much as do I, and that we both have strengths and weaknesses as parents. This will simply take time and careful and insightful thought to sort out.