The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #98215 Message #1943780
Posted By: Songster Bob
21-Jan-07 - 09:40 PM
Thread Name: The Healer - Criticism please
Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
[My comments and suggestions in brackets:]
The Healer
Here comes the healer with his gentle words of kindness He doesn't know it all – he's never really sure [I'm not sure about the "never really sure." You mean, I think, that he IS sure that on one person knows all the answers, but it bothers me that he "doesn't know." Is there another way to say this?] He has no remedy for deafness or for blindness He sees and listens – he doesn't sell a cure He sits and listens – they tell him of their sorrows [You repeat "and listens" – do you need to? Also, who are "they?" It's OK to say that "he" is "the healer," but it bothers me to have "they" come out of nowhere. It's picky, but I am that kind of critic, I guess.] There's no prescription before it's time to part Their truth seeps out – they face up to their tomorrows And in the silence they listen to their heart [Can you make it more obvious that the healer is WHY they "face up to … tomorrows," etc.? It almost looks like the healer isn't really part of the answer here.]
Here comes the healer with his quiet disposition He bears no tribute to those who can't receive [Meaning of "no tribute"? And who are "those who can't receive?"] He's no respecter of status or position He humours no one to flatter or deceive You cannot fool him as a wise guy or a chancer He's heard it all before – and he can meet your stare You only see him if you can face the answer He looks straight through you and lays your soul all bare
Here comes the healer – he's quiet, strong and gentle You trust him instantly – his firm and open hand Tell him no drama – or story sentimental You end up telling him much more than you had planned [I'd make that read differently. Having it that you don't tell him drama or sentiment puts a limit on you, when it's better to say that NO MATTER how dramatic or sentimental your tale, he won't let you avoid opening up.] No panacea, snake oil or magic potion [Suggest: "No snake oil panacea or mystic magic potion."] There are no magic spells [in the] books upon his shelf He holds [up] the mirror until you have the notion That you can look inside and start to heal yourself. [Note here that the healer is the cause of your healing, but earlier it wasn't clear (first stanza).]
[I like this, despite some of the picky things I noted above. I'm not sure how it will work – the tune will be important to making it a "keeper" or just a nice lyric. Someone suggested a chorus or bridge, and I agree that some change in the rhythmic pattern would be very helpful.]