The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #86719 Message #1946004
Posted By: Amos
23-Jan-07 - 06:25 PM
Thread Name: BS: G rated swear words
Subject: RE: BS: G rated swear words
Grated swearwords have several disadvantages. For on thing they have to be produced at very low temperatures, in order to be grated at all. Otherwise it is like trying to carve up a fart -- it ain't gonna happen. You have to get down to mid-winter-in-Minnesota type temps.
Them you can grate them. But there's no telling precisely where they are going to parse when grated unless you use a sub-morphemic electron grater, and you know what they cost. No, a normal grater has to serve but you can't predict where the syllables are going to fall. My granny tried this one winter, because she hated hearing Gampa Huntington cuss so much. So she followed him around one sub-zero winter morning, while he was doin' chores, and snatched up all his swear words in a rusty milk bucket and grated 'em up, and then threw them out into a snowbank outside the kitchen.
Come first thaw that late March, they were both woken straight up out of bed when a late night early Spring high-pressure area moved in and all those grated cuss words began to soften up. They couldn't figure it out for hours -- every few seconds they'd hear these loud phonemes exploding under the pressure of expansion, all around the yard.
"Uck!! Odam!! Gah! Gah!! Muv!! AM!! AMITAL!! therfuh!! uckin sonova!! iddle-bast!! bit!! vabit!! erfuh!! AM!!"
It went on fer hours before they could get back to sleep. One good thing -- after that, Grampa always checked the thermometr before he let loose, and Gramma saves her grater for walnuts and sometimes Jarlsberg.