Susan
When I had cancer and was in hospital, I refused to see anybody including family. I was so emotionally upset, I needed time to work things out for myself. I was fine with having the nurses around who were used to these situations and I felt I could have normal conversations with them.

The last thing I needed was anybody coming to see me, not knowing what to say, looking at their watches as if to say "I wish I wasn't here" and then blurting out "you will be alright".

So I gueess if you have to go and visit,give them a nice smile, hold their hand. That will mean more than accidentally coming out with some rubbish, that you didn't intend to say. I would suspect this person knows what is happening and may well want to talk about it. If so let her talk. If possible ask how you can be of help when you visit her each time etc. Don't outstay your welcome.

I remember visiting my father in law in Holland, when he was on his last legs. As I was leaving (and even though I knew I would never see him again) I blurted out "see you again",and he relpied "No you won't". I felt such a jerk. He wanted to die than go through the last days. I almost helped him, but just managed to stop myself and I felt so bad when I left the hospital.Never really forgiven myself for not helping him. That was the last time I saw him.

Les