Well, I suppose I'll have some of the stuff my friend Alice brought me from Kentucky. Barrowmore or something. Scottish as all hell.

For dinner I had smoked Vermont ham, potatoes and onions, freshly made biscuits, butter.

There IS haggis in the freezer. Last Fall I was out walking in the hills when I was attacked by a herd of haggii. Wild ones, all covered in hair and with teeth as long as my arm. Fortunately, I had my trusty rifle (never a trifle rusty) with me and I was able to pump 117 rounds of dum-dum ammunition into the Alpha Female and she dropped dead at my feet -- in fact, one of her fangs, drippinng poison, was in the leather of my boot sole (and it still is). With the death of their leader the others fled back to their lair, and I dressed out the one I'd shot (I ALWAYS eat what I shoot -- trees, rocks, cow pies, paper, whatever). She dressed out at an even 37 kilos and scored 457.8723 points in the Boone & Crockett Club -- only 102.86 points shy of an Idaho record!

As I was driving home tonight under a full moon I hear the herd of haggii howling in the hills. Their mournful cries sounded for all the world like someone either strangling a pig or playing the piobrach.

I think I'll go have a wee drap.