Here is a version might be of interest to some: I do not have a clue where I picked up these lyrics. All credit to whoever composed this.

SENIOR'S LAMENT ----melody: ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT

Are you lonesome tonight? Does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums?
Does your memory stray to that bright sunny day
When you had all your teeth and your gums?
Is your hairline receding, your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her and it's prostate for him.
Does your back give you pain? Do your knees predict rain?
Tell me, dear, are you lonesome tonight?

Is your blood pressure up, good cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low-fat cuisine?
All that oat bran and fruit, Metamucil to boot,
Helps you run like a well-oiled machine.
If it's football or baseball, he sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it's at, but forgets what it's for.
So your gall bladder's gone but your gout lingers on.
Tell me, dear, are you lonesome tonight?

When you're hungry, he's not. When you're cold, he is hot.
Then you start that old thermostat war.
When you turn out the light, he goes left, you go right,
Then you get his great symphonic snore.
He was once so romantic, so witty, and smart.
How did he turn out to be such a cranky old fart?
So don't take any bets. It's as good as it gets.
Tell me, dear, are you lonesome tonight?