Recipe For Hasty Pudding
                             By Emo Philips
  
  
  1. Preheat oven to 800 degrees.
  
  2. Pour 1 and 5/4th cups of milk into a large pot.
  
  3. Mix.
  
  4. Drive to store for cornmeal.
  
  5. Stir cornmeal into the milk.
  
  6. Add three pounds of cole slaw (OPTIONAL).    .-""""""""""-.
                                                 |`-.________.-'|
  7. Drive to store for molasses.                |              |
                                                /|         _____|_
  8. Add 217/434ths cups of molasses.          |  '.      /  \    \
                                               |   _\ ~^~^\__/____/
  9. Look around for raisins.                  |  /  |   /  \      \
                                                \.\__/ 0 \__/______/
  10. Curse.                                     ;  o     /  \    \
                                                  \   o   \__/____/
  11. Drive to store for raisins.                  \   O /  \    \
                                                    \o   \__/___.'
  12. Add nine.                                      \  o   /
                                                      \  0 /
  13. Search whole house for lousy stinking nutmeg.    |'`|
                                                jgs ___|  |___
  14. Kick oven.                                   /__________\
  
  15. Hop around on one foot, cursing.
  
  16. Drive to stupid stinking store for stupid stinking lousy
         blasted nutmeg.
  
  17. Punch cashier after her stupid and predictable,
         "Oh, fancy seeing YOU here again" remark.
  
  18. Drive home after being beaten by pig-faced Nazi
         stockboys.
  
  19. Put key in front door, causing spark which explodes house
         full of gas that escaped from oven after kick caused pilot
         light to go out.
  
               Serves Four