*envious glance* must be nice to be able to GET gigs....*sigh*

This is by a SCAdian by the name of Bertram of Bearington, whom I have been trying to track down for a number of years. maybe this will scare him up....

THE KNIGHT AND THE UNICORN
by Bertram of Bearington

There was a knight, a lusty knight, a randy knight was he,
He had eleven mistresses and bastards thirty-three...
He indulged in ev'ry excess, in each licentious whim,
So you should have seen his jaw drop when a unicorn chose him!

Please go away my gold-maned friend, be gone I do declare!
My reputation will be shot with all the ladies fair.
I fear you've got the wrong man, of my friend with coat so fine...
I haven't been a virgin since I reached the age of nine!

I've led a very lusty life, summer winter fall or spring
I have no peers in "swords-manship", I will rut with anything!
So go away fair unicorn, if not I'll be grief-stricken --
The rampant cock upon my shield will turn into a chicken!

The ladies will reject me thinking I'm just bravado.
There must be twenty other knights with chastity their motto.
So go away fair unicorn, please leave me alone...
The ladies will not lay with me with you for chaperone!

Please go away my gold-maned friend, be gone and do not tarry.
You'll probably find the man you seek up in the monastery.
No wait, they're not the kind of monk who are celibately sleeping,
Instead of Mass and priestly vows, it's mistresses they're keeping!

The unicorn said not a word but with a soft "tap tap"
She curved her hooves around his legs, put her head upon his lap.
The knight looked in her deep brown eyes and said, "Why me? why you?"
Then the unicorn demurely said, "My lord, I'm horny too!"