cont...

MIKHAIL: Look at me, Al. Al, look at me.

ALBERT: I can't. It's just so...beautiful. I'm jealous.

MIKHAIL: Don't be. I was born with it.

ALBERT: But do you know how many pounds of rouge I have to use to get that effect on my cheeks? I hate you.

MIKHAIL: No you don't, big boy. Look at me.

Albert looks at Mikhail. Electronic music starts to pulse.

CUT TO Sir Elton John in green spandex rehearsing a Busby Berkley dance number for the "Inconvenient Truth Show." Sir Elton sweats buckets.

Return to Mikhail and Albert, each smoking a cigarette. Albert is laughing.

MIKHAIL: Honest. We made the whole thing up. The Soviet Union, all that Philby and Burgess stuff, the whole thing. Now we're telling people the sky is falling. The earth is ending.

ALBERT: I know. I'm supposed to put on a concert about it. They put my name on a movie about it.

MIKHAIL: I think they put my name in some articles about the environment thing. Took some pictures, had me take off the tinfoil to show the...you know...for the picture. And they made me say things like "The threat of environmental crisis will be the 'international disaster key' that will unlock the New World Order." Things like that. I think that quote was in an article called "The Wildlands Project Unleashes Its War on Mankind," by Marilyn Brannan, Associate Editor of Monetary and Economic Review. Or was it Samantha Smith's "Gorbachev Forum Highlights World Government," The Patriot Press, Volume 3, Issue 1, page 8? Or was it quoted in "Behind the Green Curtain: The Globalist Radical Environmental Agenda," McAlvanly Intelligence Advisor, October 1997, page 7?   Or was it... Hey, Al, are you listening?

ALBERT: Hmm? Oh, sorry. It's just that it's so...purple.

Electronic music starts to pulse again. CUT TO Sir Elton having CPR performed rhythmically over his dead body. Wild applause rises.

ALBERT (voiceover): You th' beast, Gorby.