Hey, you impostor! Shape up! Stop sniveling. You brought this on yourself by impersonating Shane McBride.

Madagascar is 8,940 miles or 14,388 km. from Toronto, okay? That's very far away. It's on the other side of Africa.

Which you probably knew before you started this impersonation, this identity theft. You probably thought, "Hey, that dude is gonna be way far away and I'll never get caught!"

Well, as Brother Crispin Fiacre, who used to be the REAL Shane McBride, would probably say, "Your sins have found you out."

Now assume your REAL identity. What was it? Percival Bolthole? Abner Tetemerde? C'mon, buck up and be whatever sort of man you can be, even if it's not much of one.