We don't have groundhogs down here in Floribama. We've got armadillos. What we do on February 2nd is turn an armadillo loose on the side of a four-lane highway and see if he can make it to the other side without gettin' run over. If he makes it across, then it means an early Spring. If he gets run over, it means get a new chain for the Husqvarna 'cause you're gonna run out of firewood. It also means armadillo stew for somebody.

Now, what all this has to do with the subject at hand is that it's impossible to tell whether or not an armadillo has been drinking. They're dumber than creek mud and blind as fenceposts when cold sober, so what possible effect could being drunk have on 'em? It's certainly not gonna make it less likely that they'll be able to cross a road without being run over. They can't do that sober.

Anyway, the results of 2007's Armadillo Day prediction were inconclusive since Bubba and Jim Bob, who are responsible for turning the armadillo loose, picked a four-lane divided highway with a grass median for this year's test. The armadillo made it across two lanes, stopped at the grass median strip, dug a burrow, and hasn't been seen since. Turned out that 'diller was smarter than Bubba and Jim Bob, but that ain't sayin' much.