SCENE ONE:

Somewhere in Canada a mad scientist, Doctor Frankincense, has invented a replicator machine that's supposed to create exact duplicates of people. So far he's only had a chance to try it out on squirrels and a few stray dogs, but he's ready for his first human subject.

SCENE TWO:

Somewhere else in Canada there's a hopeless dweeb who gets his jollies creating entertaining characters and allowing them to post to Internet discussion forums as if they were real people. The dweeb is in the middle of creating an adventure for one of his characters when he hears a knock at the front door. He goes to answer the door and is met by Doctor Frankincense who incapacitates him with a stun gun and drags him to a waiting van.

SCENE THREE:

The scene opens in Doctor Frankincense's laboratory where the dweeb is hog-tied in Chamber One of the replicator machine with a metal skullcap attached to his head. The mad scientist explains that when he throws a switch, an exact duplicate of the dweeb will be created in Chamber Two of the replicator. The scientist throws the switch, waits a few moments, opens the door to Chamber Two and out steps a scraggly looking hoser who asks Doctor Frankincense, "What the flip? You got a beer, man? How about a Marlboro? Maybe a doobie or two?"   

The astonished mad scientist calls for his assistant, Mirr, who takes the hoser away for a bath while he, Frankincense, recalibrates the dials on the replicator for another attempt. He throws the switch again, waits a few moments, opens the door to Chamber Two and a chimpanzee wearing a fedora steps out and says, "Ook?" Frankincense has Mirr take the chimp away for a banana.

This scenario is repeated a couple more times, producing a young female English aristocrat whose exalted opinion of herself makes it impossible for her to see that her life is a shambles, a lower-class English matron with a husband named Eddie and, finally, a balding, overweight, washed up, overly emotive actor who speaks in an exceedingly halting fashion.

At this point Doctor Frankincense becomes totally frustrated, pulls the dweeb out of Chamber One, clamps the skullcap to his own head and instructs Mirr to throw the switch, whereupon the replicator shorts out and Doctor Frankincense disappears in a puff of smoke.

SCENE FOUR:

The dweeb and his entourage of replicants then convince Mirr to drive them all back to the Dweeb's house. Along the way, Mirr decides to pitch in his lot with the dweeb. After arriving at the dweeb's place the replicants begin arguing over who gets what bedroom, who has to do the cooking, etc. The dweeb quietly sneaks out the door and drives to the Toronto airport where he buys a one-way ticket to Havana.

THE END