My brother Billy's got a ten foot willie
and he showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake so she hit it with a rake
And now it's only five foot four
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There once was a woman who sat on the rocks
Teaching the young boys to play with their
kites and their marbles in the old days of woe
When along came a woman who looked like a
decent young woman who walked like a duck
Said she'd invented a new way to
educate children to sew and to knit
When along came the farmer who let out
Cart from the stable to follow the hunt
while his wife in the farmhouse was powdering her
Nose with the contents of a vanity box
And remembering the last time that she caught
A cold
---------------------

The first time I met her I met her in white
All in white, all in white
She said she'd stay all night
Down the dark alley where nobody goes

The next time I met her I met her in red
All in red, all in red,
She jumped right into bed
Down the dark alley where nobody goes

The next time I met her I met her in black
I found her lovely crack

The next time I met her I met her in blue
We had a lovely screw

The next time I met her I met her in green
She said the doctors been

The next time I met her I met her in blue
She said the baby's due

And more that I have forgotten!