Well folks, right recently down in a little town in Indiana, I was invited over to a party. And seeing that I am a man who never forgets anything, as long as I remember it, I'll tell you about it. It was an ice cream festival and there was a beautiful old maid there, who taught the piano and guitar. And she played such pieces as Siege of Sebastapol and Trovatore, and Dew Drop. Now I'll just give you a little imitation of how she was imitating the dew dripping off the eaves of the porch into the washpan on the shelf, surrounded by fragrant honeysuckles all in bloom. She played it thusly [classical banjo solo].

Hot Dog! I said, "Miss, Sing us a piece, please ma'am." She said, "Well Mister Macon I really can't sing, but as you press me so strongly, I will attempt a beautiful little love song." I says, "All right, let her go." She started off thusly:

Come dearest the daylight is falling, the stars are unveiling to see,
Come wander with me, my loved one, As we stroll by the beautiful sea.
Let us go where the white flowers bloom, for midst the soft dews of the night,
Where the Iris dispel rich perfumes and the rose speaks of love and delight.

Hot dog! I noticed the old maid had her hair bobbed. So I asked her what she cut her hair off for? And she said to show her independence. I noticed she had her dress cut off to match her hair. Ha! Ha! Also, trying to make conversation, I asked her, "How many is there of you all?" She said, "Eleven." And I said, "Which one of you is the oldest?" She said, "Father."

People, when Columbus discovered this country, it was plum full of nuts and berries. But I'm right here to tell you, the berries is just about all gone. Ha!

Now before I go any further, I want to give you young men, if there's any listening to this record, a prescription for kissing your girl.

Now you approach her, face to face,
Then her lovely cheeks in the palm of your hands embrace,
Then lip to lip and gum to gum,
Oh, Lord, yum, yum, yum!

Fare you well, oh my little honey, I'm gone, gone,
Yes my honey, I'm going away.

"Uncle Dave's Travels, Pt 4: Visit at the Old Maid's," 6/29/1929, Brunswick 362.