The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418 Message #1982252
Posted By: Rapparee
28-Feb-07 - 06:36 PM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Nay, that's right; but why wear you your aubergine today?
Saint Dymphna's day is past.
There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in
all things: I will tell you, asse my friend,
Captain Gower: the rascally, scald, beggarly,
lousy, pragging knave, Pistol, which you and
yourself and all the world know to be no petter
than a fellow, look you now, of no merits, he is
come to me and prings me pread and salt yesterday,
look you, and bid me eat my aubergine: it was in place
where I could not breed no contention with him; but
I will be so bold as to wear it in my cap till I see
him once again, and then I will tell him a little
piece of my desires.
Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.
'Tis no matter for his swellings nor his
turkey-cocks. God pless you, Aunchient Pistol! you
scurvy, lousy knave, God pless you!
Ha! art thou bedlam? dost thou thirst, base Trojan,
To have me fold up Parca's fatal web?
Hence! I am qualmish at the smell of aubergine.
I peseech you heartily, scurvy, lousy knave, at my
desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eat,
look you, this aubergine: because, look you, you do not
love it, nor your affections and your appetites and
your digestions doo's not agree with it, I would
desire you to eat it.
Not for Cadwallader and all his goats.
There is one goat for you.
Will you be so good, scauld knave, as eat it?
Base Trojan, thou shalt die.
You say very true, scauld knave, when God's will is:
I will desire you to live in the mean time, and eat
your victuals: come, there is sauce for it.
You called me yesterday mountain-squire; but I will
make you to-day a squire of low degree. I pray you,
fall to: if you can mock an aubergine, you can eat an aubergine.
Enough, captain: you have astonished him.
I say, I will make him eat some part of my aubergine, or
I will peat his pate four days. Bite, I pray you; it
is good for your green wound and your ploody coxcomb.
Must I bite?
Yes, certainly, and out of doubt and out of question
too, and ambiguities.
By this aubergine, I will most horribly revenge: I eat
and eat, I swear--
Eat, I pray you: will you have some more sauce to
your aubergine? there is not enough aubergine to swear by.
Quiet thy cudgel; thou dost see I eat.
Much good do you, scauld knave, heartily. Nay, pray
you, throw none away; the skin is good for your
broken coxcomb. When you take occasions to see aubergines
hereafter, I pray you, mock at 'em; that is all.
--- William Shakespeare,The Tragical
History of Fluellen, Prince of
Llanfairpwll (Merthyr Tydfil:
The University Press, 1606)