"Gore Oscar Shocker"

Supreme Court Gives Gore's Oscar to Bush:
Stunning Reversal for Former Veep!

Just days after former Vice President Al Gore received
an Academy Award for his global warming documentary
"An Inconvenient Truth," the United States Supreme
Court handed Mr. Gore a stunning reversal, stripping
him of his Oscar and awarding it to President George
W. Bush instead.

For Mr. Gore, who basked in the adulation of his
Hollywood audience Sunday night, the high court's
decision to give his Oscar to President Bush was
a cruel twist of fate, to say the least.

But in a 5-4 decision handed down Tuesday morning,
the justices made it clear that they had taken the
unprecedented step of stripping Mr. Gore of his Oscar
because President Bush deserved it more.

"It is true that Al Gore has done a lot of talking about
global warming," wrote Justice Antonin Scalia, writing
for the majority. "But President Bush has actually helped
create global warming."

In another setback for the former vice president, a group
of scientists meeting in Oslo, Norway today said that
Mr. Gore was growing at an unsustainable rate.

"The polar ice caps may be shrinking, but Al Gore is
clearly expanding," said Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke of the
University of Tokyo.

The scientists concluded that if Mr. Gore continues to
expand at his current rate, he could cause the earth
to spin off its axis by 2010, sending it hurtling into
the sun.

"Here's an inconvenient truth," Dr. Kyosuke added.
"Al's got to stay away from those carbs."

Elsewhere, after foreigners received a record number
of Academy Award nominations, CNN anchor Lou
Dobbs proposed building a 12-foot high fence
around the Kodak Theater.

Dave Oesterreich, (ever ready to enlighten the public)