Potiates?

Well, they're illegal in London you know but what you need to do is go to Green Lanes quite late in the evening. Can't tell you exactly where or those Mudelves will mod me off.

It's that shop that's painted green and yellow opposite Harringay Green Lanes station. Just sidle in and pretend to be admiring the chervil until it's quiet and then whisper surreptiously 'Oi, mate, got any potiates?'

You'll be hustled into the back and probably frisked. Then you'll be shown a cage with fierce-looking rodents snarling and snapping at the bars. You only need two or three. Choose the ones you want, they'll be lifted out by assistants wearing gauntlets and body armour and dropped into a vat of boiling, Lebanese non-virgin oil (contaminated no doubt with silicon). When dead, take home and cook as instructed.