Spit-roasted Steve

1 Steve, skinned, drawn and scalded briefly in boiling water (this helps to remove any particularly tough bristles, but is also enormously satisfying)

breadcrumbs
1 egg
1 handful each of fresh thyme, rosemary and parsley
salt and pepper
2 crushed cloves of garlic

Mix all ingredients (except Steve) in a large bowl. Ram this stuffing up Steve's arse. Follow with a large skewer. Roast over an open fire, turning constantly. At this point you might like to sing something appropriate, such as "Abide With Me", particularly if your children have formed an emotional bond with Steve.

Steve should be served slightly pink, so about 45 minutes of roasting ought to be sufficient.

Grub's up!