Holy FLip! About flippin time, eh?

Okay...ummm...

NAME:


Shane McBride


REAL NAME:


I told ya, flipface!!! SHANE MCBRIDE

Awright... Shane Alistair McBride

Geez....I hate revealin' my middle name, eh? People might laff.


YOUR NAME IN THE STATES:


Shane McBride! What the flip do you think?!


Not that it matters, but do you live in Idaho?    Yes      No    Maybe


NO I don't flippin' lvie in Idaho. Bite me.


Sex:   Male    Female   Other   None   Unsure    Yes, please   No, not now


Definitely male. Totally. Male.


Circle Last Educational Level Attempted:


I been studyin' Don Cherry's phyllosoffy of life. If you mean school, it was grade 10.


Grade School   High School   College   Grad School   More   Less   None


I told ya, grade 10.


1. You are in charge of a platoon which has been ordered to attack a hill defended by ten thousand people who are armed with everything you can imagine and then some. You have 40 people. What do you do?



A. Carry out the mission no matter the costs!



B. Take a vote on what to do.



C. Flip a coin: heads we go for beer, tails we take a nap.



D. Tell the guy who told you to do this dumb thing to go &%$! him or her
self.


C and D. Specially D!


2. Reference: US Rifle, Caliber .30, M-1: What is the name of that little pin that holds the forked rod that goes into the spring? The pin that you're always dropping and without which your M-1 won't work? Do you know? If you do, will you please tell me?


What???? Flipped if I know.


3. What is the maximum rate of fire for the Musket, caliber .69, "Brown
Bess" Model 2? Why should you care? Nobody uses flintlocks
anymore anyway.


I don't flippin' care.


4. Explain yourself. Try to be coherent.


Okay. I am, like, a majorly cool dude who is single, handsome, and good lookin'. I am hung like a moose. I can drink like a flippin' muskie, and flip like a flippin' mad dog. Most people think I am what they wish they could be. I have one brother. He is a jerk, but he makes some money which is good cos we need money. His name is Don. I live in Blind River. Blind River is the culcheral capital of North Ontario and I am its most coolest dude.


5. How would YOU go about putting the Budweiser back in
Clydesdales?


By makin' the Clydesdales an offer they can't flippin' refuse!


6. Can you sing? Should we let you do so? Why?


Yeah... I will sing if you give me free beers and smokes.



7. You've drunk 3 glasses of Devil's Piss, 6 Pink Panty Droppers, and a Purple Jesus or two or three or more. What will you drink next?


Whatever is flippin' available.


8. Physical Examination: Can you pat your head, rub your tummy, and
play the bagpipes, all at the same time?


What?????????????? I...you must be flippin' jokin', right? No!


9. If a locomotive leaves point A at precisely 1317 hours and travels
towards point B at 124 kph, and a second train leaves point B at 1333
hours and travels towards point A at 89 kph, what shithead should be
blamed for putting them on the same track?


Ummmm....ah....okay, I think it should be...

George Bush, eh? Blame him. Flippin' A.


10. Do you speak a language other than English? If so, what? Now
translate the following:


Yeah, I know some dirty words and stuff in French.


    Mert lofrát tinglû, Mers Fluggan. Dejit nørcamt en enciente y camino
Ưstanŋų ber þyatnö finger locamisso Ægonicus nostros. Amen.


That means...uhh... Okay. It means... It means that the shitrat lofts a tingle at Mrs Fluggan, but...she...ummm...

Wait.

It means...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FLIP IT MEANS! GO FLIP YOURSELF! THIS IS A STUPID FLIPPIN' TEST AND ONLY A FLIPPIN' MORON WOULD EVEN TRY TO FINISH IT. I WASTED 20 FLIPPIN' MINUTES ON THIS DUMB TEST BECOZ OF YOU.


This is the end of the test. Turn in your paper. Do not discuss this test with
your classmates, friends, or enemies, or else.

Yeah? FLIP YOU! I am gonna tell everyone I know about this test. I am gonna call the papers about it. I am gonna get a TV crew down here to film it if I can. Ya hear THAT???

Like I said, flip YOU! Who needs the Idaho Flippin' Legion anyways? Not me. I'm doin' fine on my own.

- Shane