RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos - PM
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 10:00 AM

Come all you bad rounders
And listen to me,
And I'll sing you the ballad
Of Bold Raparee
A gentleman sober,
A terror when full,
An erudite scholar,
And handy with bull.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

A man of great knowledge
Was this erudite cat,
From Dewey to Doctorow,
He had them down pat
He could send you long sections
Of Greeks from the shelf,
Tho' he'd often let on
He'd composed them himself!

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

He'd a good wife and family
And brothers most fond
And friends in the Legion,
And over the pond
But he was not contented,
And the story is sad,
For his one aspiration
Was to truly Be Bad!

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

He forsook all his learning
And his Library post
And from honest man's earnings
He gave up the ghost,
He went to his Mother
To learn how to sin,
And the answer she gave him
Made his poor brain to spin.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

She told him quite plainly
"Don't act so perplexed!
For the problem is just
That you get no respect!
You're growing a tummy,
And losing your mane
And the folks down at MOAB
Will just cause you pain."

But if you will listen,
And take this advice
We can make you a Monster
In half of a trice!"
"Go log on to iTunes
Where they sell MP3s
And find you some old ones
From Crofut's LPs.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

And if you are lucky
As you snoop around
You'll discover the story
Of Bad Leroi Brown."
Now sharpen your pencil
And listen quite well,
And you soon will become
The librarian from hell."

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

This bold man of books
Took good Counsel from Ma
And he swore he would soon live
Outside of the law.
He got him a razor,
110 volts A.C.,
Shoved it into his Weejums
Which were 10 triple-E.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

Then he went to a gun fair
To follow his fate
And he brought back a carload
Of monstrous weight
There were handguns and air-guns
Both stainless and blued
Though he limped when he'd heft 'em
From the Braun in his shoe.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

But in spite of the pain,
He did strut up and down
Saying "I'll be the baddest
Librarian in town!"
So he strapped on the iron
Just hoping for fun;
But it took him two hours
To pack thirty-eight guns

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

And the weight of those weapons
Forced his pants to the floor
And he cursed and he cried
And he sweated and swore
Then he found his solution!
It made his heart dance!
He bought eight pairs of braces
Clipped all 'round his pants.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!