>>Tsk, not even a passing semblance to the work of Mr W Shakespeare<<

That can be remedied

Speak of Seth Lakeman!
'Zounds, I will speak of him; and let my soul
Want mercy, if I do not join with him:
Yea, on his part I'll empty all these veins,
And shed my dear blood drop by drop in the dust,
But I will lift the down-trod Seth lakeman
As high in the air as this unthankful hare,
As this ingrate and canker'd white bunny.