The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #99939   Message #1997954
Posted By: Suffet
15-Mar-07 - 06:26 PM
Thread Name: Non-banjo jokes
Subject: Non-banjo jokes
Greetings:

Here are some musical jokes without a single banjo among them!

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Q: What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?

A: New Age music.

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Q: What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?

A: Eventually the puppy stops whining.

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Q: What do you call two folk singers trying to sing in unison?

A: Counterpoint.

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Q: What's an accordion good for?

A: Learning how to fold a road map.

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Q: What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro NFL offensive lineman?

A: The stage makeup.

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Q: Why did the unaccompanied traditional ballad singer spend eight hours standing outside the door?

A: He couldn't find the right key.

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Q: Why did the pop vocalist spend eight hours standing outside the door?

A: She couldn't figure out when to come in.

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Q: The festival director and the bag piper are both still alive and you only have one bullet left in you gun. Which one do you shoot and why?

A: The festival director. Business before pleasure.

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Q: What is the difference between an autoharp and a '57 Chevy?

A: It takes less time to tune the '57 Chevy.

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Q: How can you tell which kid on a playground is going to grow up to be a trombonist?

A: He's the one who can't figure out how to use the slide.

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Q: How can you tell which kid on a playground is going to grow up to be a Nashville studio musician?

A: He's the one who can't swing.

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Three men die and ascend to Heaven. As they approach the front entrance, Saint Peter is there to greet them. To their surprise he asks only one question, "What was your occupation on Earth?"

"I was a doctor," the first man answers.

"OK, " says Saint Peter. "Go right through those Pearly Gates straight ahead. Next! What did you do on Earth?"

"I was a school teacher," the second man says.

"OK, go right through those Pearly Gates straight ahead. Next! And what did you do?"

"I was a musician."

"OK, go around the side, up the freight elevator, and through the kitchen."

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A man wearing a ski mask bursts into a pub in Belfast carrying a large black plastic bag.

Trembling in fear and turning as white as a ghost, the bartender asks, "What's that you have there?"

"Six kilos of high explosives and a detonator," the masked man answers.

"Thanks be to Jesus," the bartender says. "For a moment I thought it was a bodhran!"

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Q: What's the difference between the drummer's wife and a Porsche?

A: Most of the guys in the band have never been inside a Porsche.

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Would anyone like to continue?

--- Steve