Animal Farm (snobby version) By George Orwell Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard and David J. Parker
Old Major, the Pig
Let us overthrow the depraved czar, Farmer Jones, a symbol of a feudalist government that falls into moral ruin by its own excess and corruption. (dies)
Napoleon, the Pig
Yes, let us indeed overthrow the human oligarchy as Karl Ma--uh, Friedrich Enge--uh, Wladimir Iljitsch Leni--uh, Old Major said.
Snowball, the Pig
Yes. I'll lead the defense, unwary that you, like the other Napoleon, are pulling a strategic Stalinesque maneuver by using our revolution as a means to set up your own cruel totalitarian empire. I'm a regular Leo Dawidowitsch Trotzky!
(Napoleon sicks his pack of secret police dogs on Snowball, and they EXILE him.)
Sheep
See how easily we, the blind followers of our leaders, ignore the facts and are swayed into loyalty by the pushing of emotional buttons? Four legs good. Two legs baaaad.
Rats and Rabbits
Can we, the Menscheviki, be comrades too?
Moses, the Raven
Take comfort in what I, a symbol of the Orthodox Church, say. When you die, you'll go to the glorious Sugarcandy Mountain. So there's no need for revolution after all.
Squealer, the Pig
Go away, opiate of the people. Like Goebbels, the German minister of propaganda, I have a much greater hold on the people than you do.
Pigeons
Let's be the message carriers of communism and spread the doctrine of the revolution far beyond the physical boundaries of our regime.
Boxer, the Horse
Napoleon is always right. Like the Russian working class, I am convinced of the necessity of our revolution, firmly devoted to its cause, and work hard for my leaders.
Napoleon, the Pig
Good horse, Boxer. We need more animals like you.
Boxer, the Horse
I'm old now. At long last, I have reached retirement age. Now I can rest peacefully while Napoleon takes care of me.
Napoleon, the Pig
Think again, you lazy oaf. (sells Boxer for glue)
(The animals destroy the windmill in an action symbolic of the failure of the Five Year Economic Plan. Then the pigs turn into humans. Thus ends this dystopian fable on totalitarianism.)