You can organise a set of grottibottis from any one of a million plant hire companies in about 10 minutes flat.

Other than that, all you need is a convenient cold tap.

The army teaches how to "field-wash" (basically, straddle bucket and sponge down from hair to the bits you don't wnat to drink from) and it can be done on your knees in a little tent.

Vanners have showers, tee-hee. Or if they don't it proves that the need for a daily shower is but a recent invention.

Camping involves use of a camp-stove.

If you need chemicals, carry a bottle of whisky, or a lighter.

But please do get on to an announcement soon or I shall put plan "b" into operation (some might like that , of course) involving scamming my way onto the fringe of a festival.....