The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418   Message #2012687
Posted By: Amos
31-Mar-07 - 12:54 PM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
John-Boy Faustus, on a dare,
Made a deal with Big Rapaire
He'd withstand ole Satan's rant,
But Rapaire laughed, "Betcha can't!"

Rapaire said, with evil chortle,
"Secret words make men immortal!"
"Bring them wisdom, deep, all-seeing!"
"Going weeks not even peeing!"

John-Boy said, "Let's rock an' roll!
I'll start with one eternal soul!"
Satan thought 'twas pretty cool
To watch Rapaire draw out the fool.

He agreed with Rapaire's scam,
Said "Only you could flim this flam!"
Soon, ole John Boy had a deal,
Wisdom made his pore head reel!

He kissed Helen, late of Troy,
Overwhelmed was pore John Boy.
Endless rows of winsome bitches,
Endless insight, endless riches!

All the world lay at his toeses
He was wiser, then, than Moses!
Lined the ladies up and kissed 'em
Overloaded nervous system.

Soon his brain became eroded,
John-Boy's human mind exploded!
He became a German scandal,
More than one poor soul could handle.

Thrashed with pure nervous exhaustion,
Wished he'd acted with more caution.
Satan said, "You've earned your pay!"
Swept ole John Boy's soul away.

Gave Rapaire a bunch of ducats,
"Hell, the dough is free, so fuck it!"
"I'm above life on the level,
Why not grab dough from the Devil?"

Ole Rapaire felt rich and mellow,
Bought a home in Pocatello,
Some say he's an awful jerk,
For doing Satan's dirty work.

But Rapaire, with mien contrarian,
Says "I am but a librarian!"
"I do research through the mazes,
Digging long-lost magic phrases!"

"Who are you to give a fuck,
If I turn an extra buck?"
Not withstanding this rebuttal,
Locals planned his style to scuttle.

Planned and plotted, girl and fellow,
In the dark, in Pocatello,
'Til at last they brought him down
For plagiarizing Ezra Pound.

No more devil's gold he's spending
No more magic words he's lending.
No more ancient beauties kissing.
Gone mysteriously missing!

Dropped inside the penal schism
Doing time for plagiarism!
Stranger, pause, and say a prayer
For the soul of our Rapaire.

Wallace Beerbohm Sturgeon
Lost Tales of the Legionaires
Infinite Loop Press
Cupertino, 2001