The Absolutely Fantastic Adventure of Brave Sir Amos, Knight of the Table Round and Sans Pur et Sans Reproache, (cont'd.)

Cried he, "Villein! Hold thy pen!
Don't write no more such stuff again!
Else I will have to take thy head,
Arms and legs, table and bed,
I'll break thy lance, I'll break thy sword,
I'll take thy dictionary, every word!
For I do not fear the wrath of men
Especially those who wield the pen!"
So drew he Fishmash, his noble blade,
And chased the poet 'round the glade,
'Til finally the poet slipped on the dew
And Sir Amos clove him quite in two!
"Egad!" quoth he. "What have I done?"
Now poets two instead of one
Shall loudly my details proclaim!"
And so he hacked the chap again
Until the poet mincemeat was
And with sound of flies the glade did buzz.
Then Sir Amos wiped from his blade the gore
Of the poet who would nevermore
Write of his deeds, both bad and good
Within the overarching wood
Of trees and shrubs and birds and deer,
Giants, orcs, and old King Lear,
Glaciers, palms, and pilgrims lost,
And danger to the permafrost.
Fair maidens everywhere did weep
And publicans did half their keep
Of nut-brown ale and whisky strong
And with flooding tears did the sums erase
That the poet owed, for now decease
He ne'er more could even up the score
Five pubs went broke and even more
Did ban Sir Amos for this deed
And the publicans spent their lives in need.
In rags their children went to school
In summer's heat and winter's cool
And in future times whenever they
Spoke to grandchild, fair or fey,
Of their youth, how in school they stay
(Tho' they walked uphill both the way
Through snow and ice up to their chest
Their education was the best)
They told of how Sir Amos, brave,
Did them to poverty enslave
By mincing the poet, head and knee,
Who was yclepted "Rapaire."

Exeunt Omnes

Here endeth The Absolutely Fantastic Adventure of Brave Sir Amos, Knight of the Table Round and Sans Pur et Sans Reproache.

         -- The Epic Of Sir Amos, from "The
         Incompleat Manuscript Works of Geoffy Chaucer"
         (Bawdylian Library, Rayon Herkimer Mss.)