Frankly, the lobster worries me, what with the bubblewrap gown and all. I don't have a date either, but I've volunteered to be Catspaw and Kat's chaperone. Of course, Spaw's going to try to turn our evening into a menage a bubble, but he doesn't know that Kat's dad has hired me to protect her honor tonight and I shall do my utmost to see that she returns home, um, intact. Even if it means throwing my body on top of 'Spaw's to protect her -- I mean, between them...

Do I hear "You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin'" in the distance? Such great makeout music and what do I have? Kat and her 'Spaw spawing each other, in direct defiance of her daddy's wishes. I'm so frustrated. I think I'll just go have a nice cup of punch and a double shot of Mr. Jameson's finest, neat. Oh, my ... doesn't the bandstand look nice? All that colored Kleenex stuffed into the chicken wire across the front of the stage...

What's the theme? Evening in Paris? Even in Juarez? Evening up the Forest? WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE BAND!!!