With apologies to the ladies and to GUEST, Ducksy for hi-jacking this thread:

Here's a real quickly penned parody to the song Old Paint/Leavin' Cheyenne --

ED's Lament ;-D

I used to shoot straight with a long-barreled gun
But my ammo is spent, ain't havin' no fun
My barrel's got a bend that I can't straighten out
My shootin' days are over, of that there's no doubt

Chorus
Good bye old gun, gone with the years
Good bye old gun, forever I fear
Gone with the years, boy, how I'll miss it
Good bye old gun, gone with the years

Now my eyesight's still good and I still try to aim
But I can't load my gun, don't know who to blame
Tried gettin' new bullets with a little more kick
But they ain't what's needed 'cause they're not worth a lick.

Chorus

Asked a man who is trained in the shooting arts
Can you straighten my barrel, gimme a new start?
Sorry says he, but your action is shot
Hand to hand is now the best that you've got.

Chorus

SC